hi catherine...

the following is something i posted a while back in "dreaming". not exactly a love letter, but it seems to belong here somehow:

i had a deeply moving dream once, many years ago. it was after i had been married for about a year. i was lying in a meadow at the bottom of a steep and rugged hill. there was a tall, slender, dark haired woman half sitting, half lying next to me. I did not recognize her, and she didn’t resemble anyone i knew or have met since. She was leaning against a large rock outcrop, and i was stretched out in the grass, an arm under my head. i seem to recall that perhaps her foot was lightly touching me, or that i was brushing up against her leg. in my dream, we had just hiked for about three hours, to the top of the hill and back together, and we lay now, resting, content with each other's presence. she was reading a book she was interested in, and i was lazily dozing and looking at the sky and mountain. on the surface, seemingly separate solitary activities. but there was a slight smile on both our faces, and both of us were utterly, quietly and perfectly aware of and content with the other's presence. inwardly, there was a deep, steady and unbroken connection. she was in no hurry to leave, or to do something else. and neither was i. i looked up at her, and she smiled at me as i did.

i then found myself awake, lying in bed next to my wife of a year and a half. the sun was just coming up, and shone through the window in red and gold. and i knew exactly, instantly, what the dream meant. the woman in my dream embodied everything i had hoped for but not found in my marriage. the continuous inner connection. the contentment with small, simple, shared pleasures. the quiet, gentle smile and unspoken understanding.

i have now been married for 14 years. my wife and i love each other, in the sense of wanting each other’s fulfillment and happiness, and feeling the affection that comes from years of familiarity, acceptance and shared struggles. we sometimes painfully acknowledge that our personalities are quite different, and that we really aren’t very well suited for on another. but we also believe that a lifelong committment to a partner is a meaningful thing, regardless of whether it is as fulfilling as one might hope. we have supported one another through some difficult times, and have two wonderful children.

i do have a couple of dear friends, relationships much older than my marriage. they are like lifelines to me, though i sometimes go a year or more without seeing or hearing from one of them. i take heart just knowing that they exist, and that someone somewhere sees inside me.